Sunday, May 27, 2012

Panic and Confusion

This little blog is more for me than family, friends and readers. I haven't written anything publicly for a few weeks because I lacked confidence, not sure of what was real, imagined or simply forgotten. Today I feel like my old self and quite confident that I can write about my life accurately, my wife 'Bonnie Ronnie' thinks that I'm back on my game.

My GP 'Sharon', a fantastic doctor with a wonderful bedside manner and caring nature by the way, believes that I suffered a minor stroke a few weeks ago. I am undergoing tests to explore the extent of the damage and should have the results in about a week.

The day started perfectly with the sun shining, birds singing, a little ice on the window, not unusual for a late autumn day in Toowoomba. Ronnie had an appointment for extended physiotherapy to her left shoulder at the Base Hospital in the late morning. Ronnie had injured her shoulder whilst on holiday in Africa, tore a ligament and has arthritis (rheumatoid we suspect) which is not helping. I was to drop Ronnie off and she would call when ready to be picked up, thus allowing me to get some business admin out of the way.

After dropping Ronnie at the Base Hospital I headed back to our home office to complete the admin tasks, this is where things become a little hazy for a few hours. I'm not sure what I did, if anything relating to work. I do recall bits and pieces. I had forgotten that I had taken Ronnie for physio and called out to her from the office. When she didn't answer I went looking for her but couldn't find her, I started to panic... 'where the heck is she?' I thought.

Ronnie's bedroom was impeccable (we have separate rooms due to my snoring) and I couldn't remember the last time I saw her or what she had been doing. This led me to believe that my Bonnie Ronnie had passed away and that her passing had effected my mind. I know that this does not make sense, now! but at the time I was so confused that I could not distinguish reality from imagination... my rationale was so far off the mark it was down right frightening. At some point I must have recalled that I had taken Ronnie to the Hospital but I didn't know how long ago that had been, I recall thinking that it may have been weeks or even months earlier. I rang her number and left a message, (I was thinking at the time, 'Please... Please! God let this be a very bad nightmare that I will wake up from now! She just can't be dead!') I can't recall what I said but Ronnie says that I called her twice and that I sounded panicked and confused.

I then drove to the Base Hospital. I'm not sure what I was thinking but do recall hoping with dread that someone there would be able to fill in some of the gaps in my memory. As I drove around to the entrance, there was my Bonnie Ronnie! For a second I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating or not. I was so relieved and overcome with emotion that I started bawling like a kid.

On the way home Ronnie and I discussed the possible causes of this problem, this was the second incident of this type since returning from our holiday. We had put the first down to my failing renal system and stress but whilst we are both under a fair bit of stress, it's no more than usual and my kidney was functioning optimally on this occasion. What we did notice once we got home was that I was unable to whistle, it was not possible for me to purse my lips no matter how hard I tried. 'Why was he trying to whistle?', you might ask. Well, because Bonnie Ronnie has significant hearing loss I whistle to communicate my whereabouts and to locate Ronnie at home, rather than yelling loudly. She can hear softer sounds at just the right pitch so I don't have to whistle loudly for her to hear me but I must get the pitch or frequency just right.

We realised that I had probably had a slight stroke but thought it best to get it checked out. I have been improving since that day and am now able to whistle as good as ever I did. (Not very melodiously I might add but then I had never been a good whistler anyway.)

Anyone reading this will probably think we as daft as can be.... we are! but love each other in spite of it:)

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