This week the weather has been pretty wet, cold and miserable so I have spent a lot of my spare time putting together movie clips of our holiday. I am taking the time to learn a little about the software and to make these mini movie's as professional as I can and am enjoying myself immensely. I love a challenge which is just as well given the situation I find myself in.
I am and will be writing more blogs like this because I need to do this for me. I would love to write about a host of things but especially about circumstances that I have found or more precisely, that have found me during my lifetime. I am advised to write for 30 minutes a day, the first thing that comes to mind - I'm trying to learn a little about writing and publishing as I am a complete novice. At school I was hopeless at writing and or learning for that matter. I have always been a strong believer in a positive attitude and mind over matter and have been able to overcome some of life's more challenging obstacles as a result.
Fear is a funny thing and not in a humorous way. My greatest fear I suppose is no different to anyone else, that of a threat to the safety and well being of my children. I think as parents we treat this subject as taboo for fear that the mere mention will set in motion that which we fear most. Notice how I skirt the issue, for as always it is still my greatest fear and I cannot bring myself to go into depth for fear that I will, with my thoughts alone... set in motion a chain of events that I have no control over. This brings me to my second greatest fear which I think is quite common.
I have an appointment with my GP this afternoon following CT brain scans and Ultrasound scans of my neck looking at the vascular system for any anomalies. We are looking for signs of stroke and or damage to the brain because of some recent memory and muscular abnormalities. I am looking forward to the appointment with a good deal of trepidation because whilst I am afraid of the physical effects of a stroke I am far more afraid of the mental effects. So now I am hoping that it was a minor stroke or something physical that can be overcome with a little determination and not dementia or early onset alzheimer's.
The worry, concern, stress (FEAR) is adding to the problem with sleepless nights. Fortunately I don't have to worry about the business as well although I do feel a little guilty that I am not pulling my weight. I am so lucky to have such good friends in business. If you read this Paul, thanks for being such a good mate over the last 26 years, your support and assistance is much appreciated even though it goes without saying.
Having a definitive prognosis will be such a relief because it will allow me to study the problem in depth and formulate a plan to overcome the issue. I have no doubt that I can overcome the fear through my faith in God and determination to beat whatever this is. Maintaining a positive attitude is paramount.